i wanna cry.


seriously.


juz read thru all de pozs in dis blog. all 39 of dem.


n i wanna cry.


i wan to go back to de tyms wen we were all tgt. i wan to b spastic. n bimbotic. n bobotic. n high. both in voice n hyperness. i wan to b wif yall.


i carn stand it. realli. i carn. i carn find any fwens in my clas hu ish lyk us. dun tink tt i will evr find fwens liddat le. i nid de sistas. honezly. i juz feel sho dead in clas. tho my clas ppl r nice. but stiu... its not de same.


i miss lamin abt wif yall. i miss tokkin to yall abt dumb n cute tings. i miss tellin yall all my xin1 shi4. i miss all de happy tyms weve shared. i miss all de sad tyms weve shared. i miss everyting. everyting to do wif de sistas.


im afraid. im afraid tt ill forget. i dun wan to. i wanna hold on as long as i can. to these precious memories. tt hav bcome my sustenance. i carn live without dem. cos i carn live without yall. rmb my energiser, h2o n o2? i lied. my energiser, h2o n o2 ish acty all of u. i had to see at least one of ure at least once a day to b able to function. i stared at de clock. wishin it wld go faster. sho tt i cld see yall. i did all i cld. juz to b able to b wif yall. cos i nided yall.


but now. no matter wad i do. no matter wad i wish. all i hav left. r memories. faint shadows, pale imitations. but its all i have left. of yall. i stiu stare at de clock. wishin it wld go faster. rushin out of de clasrm. den realisin. yall arnt dere. i stiu walk arnd sch. hopin tt somehow, ill find myself back in dunman. n i can see yall. even tho i noe its impossible, but i stiu carn help it. i juz carn stop hopin, and wishin.


i nid to brighten up yall day. it was all tt really kept me going acty. i nided to see yall smile. to b happy. den cld i b happy. but now. i carn even fulfill dis simplest wish. to make yall happy. i feel sho helpless. lyk a little pebble. tossed arnd in de high waves of life. sinkin down to de bottom. without anyone realisin. no matter how i hope. tt a life buoy will come. it doesnt. pebbles dun hav life bouys. dey juz sink. n no one notices.


im livin on hopes n dreams.